The Mindset Game: The Key to Sticking to New Habits
Let’s admit it, we all have some habits we would like to change. Maybe you want to break a bad habit, like eating too much sugar or smoking, or perhaps you’re trying to implement a new, positive habit into your life, such as daily meditation or drinking more water. For most of us, our good intentions are there, but putting them into action proves to be much harder than it should be. It can be defeating to try and try again, only to keep slipping into old patterns.
It’s especially hard when we compare ourselves to others. It seems like some people are just born with incredible willpower. They make a decision, and they just do it (or don’t do it – whether we are talking about kicking an old habit or kick-starting a new one). It looks so easy for them - no reasons or motivation necessary. It might feel like this elite club holds a secret we are simply not privy to, and if we weren’t lucky enough to be born into the club ourselves, that secret will elude us forever…but the truth is, it’s not like that for most people. It just feels like it. We live in a culture where we can carefully curate the images we present of ourselves. Through social media, we are bombarded with filtered photos and shiny success stories. The mess and struggle are strategically pushed out of the shot.
Sure, it might actually be that easy for a select few, but what about the rest of us? What about those of us who were not blessed with an iron will?
Fortunately, there is a way to use the power of your mind without relying solely on willpower. It requires you to shift your mindset to one of growth and opportunity, with a whole lot of positivity thrown in.
One of the most powerful ways to shift our thinking and create real, positive changes in ourselves is to foster a growth mindset.
In Carol Dweck’s influential book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, she defines a growth mindset as one in which “your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts, your strategies, and help from others. Although people may differ in every which way – in their initial talents and aptitudes, interests, or temperaments – everyone can change and grow through application and experience” (Dweck 6). Having a growth mindset allows us to learn from our mistakes and focus on progress over perfection. It makes room for self-compassion during setbacks. Someone with a fixed mindset, on the other hand, believes that our traits are stable and unchangeable. When we believe that our abilities are set in stone, we are less likely to persevere through roadblocks. We believe that once we’ve reached our limit, we cannot push any further. An individual with a fixed mindset would look at that person with strong willpower and think, “Why not me?” whereas one with a growth mindset would say, “I can learn from that,” and eventually, “I can be like that, too.”
A great way to cultivate a growth mindset is through self-talk. By using positive language in the way we speak to ourselves, we can shift our way of thinking. The more we tell ourselves something, the more we actually start to believe it. Let’s throw away three statements that drag us down and replace them with some powerful affirmations.
1. From “I have to” to “I get to”
When we consider a task we must do, it often can feel like a chore. Working your way through a to-do list is rarely very thrilling. As a matter of fact, having a long list of things we have to do can feel incredibly stressful. Imagine if we could change the way we view these tasks, from items to cross off the list to activities we actually enjoy doing. Instead of thinking of your good habits as things you “have to” do, think of them as things you “get to” do. Now, these behaviors are no longer burdens but opportunities. For example, you get to wake up early to start your day on the right foot. You get to put healthy food in your body that makes you feel great. By changing one word, we completely change the way we view these behaviors. Suddenly, they are reasons for us to be grateful. What does this have to do with having a growth mindset? When we view our habits through a lens of gratitude, we see purpose. We want to make the changes because we feel fortunate to be able to. We know that we can because we see opportunity all around us. Isn’t it fantastic that we get to change our mindset like this?
2. From “This is hard” to “This is worth it”
It’s easy to feel discouraged and want to give up when things are difficult. Wouldn’t it be nice if everything we did came easily on the first attempt? When we try something new and succeed right away, it feels amazing…but do you know what feels even more amazing? When we have to work hard to overcome challenges and fight for that victory, the payoff is just so much better! Smooth sailing can be a wonderful thing. It gives us a chance to catch our breath, and sometimes even provides a much-needed confidence boost when things have been tough, but when we struggle through and finally make it over the bumps, the triumph is that much more remarkable.
Anyone can do easy things…but YOU can do HARD things. That’s pretty incredible.
Carol Dweck explains that “the passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset” (Dweck 7). In contrast, those with fixed mindsets thrive “when things are safely within their grasp. If things get too challenging – when they’re not feeling smart or talented – they lose interest” (Dweck 22). In other words, having a growth mindset helps us to respond to our failures in a positive way. We can reframe our thoughts to view failure as an opportunity to learn and therefore improve. It is not a sign of inability. A growth mindset sets us on the path to self-improvement and also makes it a lot easier to remind ourselves that the difficulty is worth it in the end.
Making a habit change is hard work. It requires effort and perseverance. Think about it – you’re trying to change things that you normally don’t even think about doing. You’re attempting to force yourself out of autopilot and consciously stop actions that your body does automatically. Or, you are trying to remember to do new things that you’ve never consistently done before. Wow. That does not sound so easy, does it? It is, however, totally worth it.
Think about the reasons you have for your desired habit changes. Do you want to improve your health so you can feel better, live longer, and have more energy? Or do you want to look better and feel more confident? Perhaps you want to increase your athleticism or improve your artistic abilities. Maybe you want to declutter your home, your mind, and your life. There are as many reasons as there are habits. Many of them come from an intrinsic motivation – we want to be better for ourselves. It can also be wonderful to show up as our best selves for others. For example, making healthy changes means being there longer for our family members and having more energy to play with our kids. If we can remind ourselves of our motivations for change, it’s easier to keep going despite failures.
3. From “I’m not sure I can do this” to “I know I can do this”
Self-doubt is a major obstacle in the path to reaching our goals. We limit ourselves to what we believe we can (or can’t) do. If we don’t believe ourselves capable, what’s the point of trying? When we tell ourselves that we cannot accomplish something, we get in our own way. So, let’s shift that mindset. Instead of saying “I’m not sure I can do this,” assure yourself that you know you can. Don’t believe it? Say it again. And again. Eventually, that positive thinking will stick. We believe what we repeatedly tell ourselves. If simply telling yourself what to think is not convincing enough, reach into your past for some examples. Have you done this before? Or, have you done something similar? When we believe that we can do it, we are much more apt to take the steps necessary to accomplish something. When it comes to creating positive habits, this means showing up every day and sticking to it. For example, maybe you used to exercise every morning and want to restart that healthy habit. I get it – it can be daunting to start again. You’ll have to wake up early, and mornings are tough. Exercise is hard work. Maybe you’re out of shape and self-aware enough to know that it’s going to take some real effort before you can enjoy those positive results. There are a million excuses to quit before you even start. Someone with a fixed mindset might tell themselves that they are just not the kind of person who wakes up to exercise. Remind yourself that if you could do it before, you can do it again.
Another great self-talk trick is to add the word “yet.” Instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” try out “I can’t do this yet.” Any time you add the word “yet” to the end of a sentence, you are creating an opportunity to learn and grow. What a perfect way to put your growth mindset into practice! Maybe you can’t do it…but with hard work, practice, and plenty of patience, eventually you will be able to.
Find some healthy habits to integrate into your life HERE.
Changing our habits can be difficult, but it’s not impossible. Shifting to a growth mindset is key because it allows us to celebrate the small victories and move past the setbacks. This helps us to build momentum along the way and stay committed to our new habits. Don’t forget to focus on progress over perfection. When you need a little help to get in the right frame of mind, just remember to reword the statements you use in your self-talk. One word can make all the difference. The more you practice, the easier it will become, and before you know it, those new habits you’re trying to form will be lasting life changes.
Claudia is an NBC-HWC Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, the owner of Vibrant Health by Claudia LLC and Virtual Health Coaches LLC. She studied Health and Wellness Coaching at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition where she also completed courses in Gut Health, Hormone Health, and Advanced Coaching. She is a Havening TechniquesⓇ Certified Practitioner and certified 21-Day Sugar Detox Coach as well as a co-author of two Amazon Bestsellers “The Ultimate Guide to Creating Your Soul Aligned Business” and “The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Successful Soul Professional”.
To schedule a time for a free information call click here or join her Vibrant Health Power Community - a free Facebook Group - here.