It started with one simple question:

Just a glass of champagne in the evening…should I, or should I not?

But that one question quickly tumbled into more.

Should I stick with weekends only? But then again…my birthday’s on a Wednesday. What if I just have one? Or two?

It wasn’t about the champagne, really. It was about the debating.

The loop.

The constant background noise in my brain that wouldn’t shut off.

Sound familiar?

You might be stuck in the same loop…over anything. Perhaps, for you, it’s sugar, a new habit, a job shift, or setting a boundary. Maybe you struggle with limiting your social media use. This is a big one in our current society. We know we should set limits for ourselves, but what does that even mean? Do we restrict our frequency? Try to control what kind of content we consume? Or do we delete the apps altogether? There are just so many small decisions; it becomes overwhelming.

And if you’ve got an ADHD-wired brain, or if you’re stretched thin, running on mental overload, you know exactly what I mean. These tiny internal battles may look small from the outside, but they take a massive toll on our mental energy. We often justify ourselves as being thoughtful or careful. But frankly, not every decision warrants thoughtful consideration. It’s okay to save some brain space for what really matters. We know that clutter can impact our de. Remember that clutter isn’t just physical stuff. Mental clutter plays a huge role, too! And by pouring ourselves so fully into every small detail, we end up just slowly leaking energy.

When Tiny Debates Become Energy Leaks

Think of it like this: You’re sitting at your computer, waiting for a page to load. It feels like forever. Why? You have too many tabs open! Those extra tabs aren’t just there; they require energy. That energy has to be pulled from somewhere, which means it slows everything down. The strain it puts on your computer could even cause the system to crash.

A repeated pattern of indecision does the same thing to your brain.

Every question of “should I or shouldn’t I?” leaves a mental tab open. When those tabs don’t get closed (when the decisions aren’t made), we carry them with us, and they just keep accumulating in the background. Our focus becomes fuzzy, our energy dips, and our nervous systems stay on high alert…because the more tabs we leave open, the more energy is pulled away from where we really need it: here in the present moment.

Much of the time, we are not even aware of it, but the cost is very real.

By letting our unmade decisions build, we set ourselves up for:

· Drained focus

· Lowered emotional resilience

· Increased anxiety

· Disrupted sleep and routines

· Less capacity to be present

While this can affect all of us, it is especially true for women with ADHD or executive functioning challenges. Research shows that ADHD brains often struggle with task initiation and decision-making because the part of the brain responsible for sorting, prioritizing, and closing loops is already overworked. Individuals with ADHD are often faced with “analysis paralysis,” which happens when they become overwhelmed by information, making it difficult to think or function effectively. Add in high-functioning anxiety or emotional dysregulation, and even the smallest decisions feel heavy.

Social psychologist Roy F. Baumeister coined the term “decision fatigue” to describe the mental and emotional strain of decision-making. Every choice we make drains our mental energy. His work demonstrates that mental energy is finite. The more decisions we are forced to make throughout the day, the harder each one becomes, as our cognitive abilities wear out with overuse. This means that by the end of the day, our ability to choose well can sharply decline. We may think we’re just weighing our options. But what we’re really doing is draining our resources.

Indecision vs. Indecisiveness

Let’s clarify something here, because it matters:

· Indecision is the momentary “mental tug-of-war” over something specific.

· Indecisiveness is when that back-and-forth becomes a pattern.

One is situational. The other becomes part of how we function.

Everyone has moments of indecision. It’s natural to be a little unsure once in a while. Taking time to think things through can be a good thing. Sometimes it’s best to slow down, look at all angles, and even ask someone else for advice. While it’s necessary to eventually make a choice and move forward, thoughtless, split-second decisions are not ideal either. The problem occurs when indecision becomes a frequent obstacle. If you are constantly stuck in place because you can’t seem to commit to a single thing without second-guessing yourself, then you, my friend, are indecisive. Indecisiveness is often deeply tied to perfectionism, low self-trust, fear of judgment, and emotional overwhelm.

And while neither means anything is wrong with you, both indecision and indecisiveness are worth looking at…especially if you're noticing a quiet sense of overwhelm you can’t quite put your finger on.

Why Is It So Hard to Just Decide?

Nike said it best: “Just do it.”

I worked at Nike in my twenties, and I probably saw that slogan a thousand times without ever giving it a second thought.

But now, in my fifties, I understand how deeply those three words speak to something we all struggle with: the hesitation, the perfectionism, the fear of regret.

We often hesitate to “just do it” because:

· We want to make the right choice

· We want everyone to be happy

· We don’t trust our gut

· We don’t want to give something up

· We want to feel in control

But ironically, we lose more control (and peace) the longer we don’t decide.

In his book, The Paradox of Choice, psychologist Barry Schwartz explains that having too many options can increase anxiety and reduce satisfaction. Even after we choose, we often second-guess…a common theme among my clients with ADHD and high emotional sensitivity.

The Moment I Finally Decided

For years, I took an annual 30-day break from alcohol. Not because I had to, but because I wanted to check in with myself. It was a pause. A reset.

But every time the break ended, I went back into the loop.

You see, within that 30-day hiatus, I was completely off the hook when it came to decision-making (at least when it came to alcohol consumption). Aside from the initial decision to take a pause, I didn’t have to think about it at all. Once that time was up, the decision wasn’t pre-made for me anymore. The questions came back. How much would I allow myself? How frequently? On what occasions?

One evening in 2023, my husband and I were sitting outside, and I was deep in that loop again. His arm was around me. I felt safe. And then, completely unplanned, I said:

“I won’t go back to drinking alcohol.”

I don’t know who was more surprised, me or him.

But in that moment, something shifted.

I took a deep breath. My chest relaxed. My brain quieted.

It wasn’t about alcohol.

It was about closing the loop.

It’s been over 20 months now. I don’t waste time re-deciding anymore. Today, I enjoy alcohol free drinks and I never feel like I am missing out on anything. And it’s taught me to notice other areas where indecision was quietly stealing my energy…and where I can help my clients find peace, too.

Peace Comes From Clarity, Not Perfection

We often fear that making a hard choice will make life harder. But the truth?

The indecision is what drains us, not the decision. It’s about having something hanging over us, unresolved.

Whether it’s alcohol, sugar, boundaries, career moves, or even social media habits, we spend so much time hovering in the grey zone. And for some of us, especially those living with ADHD or decision fatigue, that zone becomes a trap. We get comfortable there, mistaking a lack of commitment for flexibility. And that confusion swallows up our sense of peace.

I used to think black-and-white thinking was too harsh.

And to be clear, it’s not always the right approach. Life is complex. But it does have its place. If you’re stuck in a pattern of indecisiveness and it’s quietly exhausting you, maybe it’s time to ask:

“Are you in, or are you out?”

Just for now. Just for this season.

Just to give your mind a break.

For one small, unimportant decision, just to get it off of your plate, try simply picking a side. You don’t have to live there forever. But you do deserve peace. And sometimes, peace only comes when we stop re-deciding.

5 Ways to Close the Loop on Indecision

1. Name it.

What is the decision you keep revisiting? In order to close the loop, you need to identify what it is that you’re questioning in the first place.

2. Check your body.

Do you feel calm or tense when you imagine being done with it? Would crossing this item off your list invite stress to leave your body? If the answer is yes, that is a major sign that it’s time to get this decision over with!

3. Write it out.

Put the loop on paper. Use journaling to untangle your thoughts and hear yourself clearly.

4. Try “in or out” language.

Instead of endless moderating, ask yourself, “Does this still work for me? Or is it time to let it go completely?”

5. Give yourself permission.

You don’t have to defend your choice. Saying, “It doesn’t work for me,” is enough.

Your Turn! Let’s Reflect:

Where are you stuck in indecision?
What’s one decision you’ve been avoiding?
What would change if you gave yourself full permission to be “in or out”?

This is a juicy journaling moment.
Get curious. Dig deep. Most importantly, be honest with yourself. Imagine what peace could feel like if you stopped debating and closed that loop.

Ready to Start Closing Those Mental Tabs? Let Me Help!

If indecision has been quietly draining your energy, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to navigate it solo.

As a certified health and wellness coach, I am experienced in helping women with ADHD and chronic overwhelm. Together, we can uncover the patterns that keep you stuck and create sustainable shifts, one decision at a time.

Let’s talk about what’s open in your mental tabs…and how to start closing them!

Claudia is an NBC-HWC Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, the owner of Vibrant Health by Claudia LLC and Virtual Health Coaches LLC. She studied Health and Wellness Coaching at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition where she also completed courses in Gut Health, Hormone Health, and Advanced Coaching. She is a Havening TechniquesⓇ Certified Practitioner and certified 21-Day Sugar Detox Coach as well as a co-author of three Amazon Bestsellers “The Ultimate Guide to Creating Your Soul Aligned Business”, “The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Successful Soul Professional” and “The Ultimate Guide To Leaving Your Legacy.”

To schedule a time for a free information call, click here or join her Vibrant Health Power Community - a free Facebook Group - here.

Want To Go Deeper? Check Out These Books!

The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz

This book explains how too many options increase anxiety…and why simplifying decisions matters.

Atomic Habits by James Clear

Learn how identity-driven choices can create lasting change (and eliminate decision fatigue).

Driven to Distraction by Edward Hallowell & John Ratey

This is a go-to guide for understanding ADHD and why the brain resists structure and closure.

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

This book provides a deep dive into how the nervous system holds onto stress…and why it makes simple choices feel hard.

Sources:

ADDA Editorial Team. “ADHD Paralysis Is Real: Here Are 8 Ways to Overcome It.” ADDA - Attention Deficit Disorder Association, 10 Feb. 2025, add.org/adhd-paralysis.

Clear, James. Atomic Habits. Editura Trei SRL, 2022.

“Decision Fatigue - the Decision Lab.” The Decision Lab, thedecisionlab.com/biases/decision-fatigue.

Haller, Claudia. “Declutter Your Space, Declutter Your Mind - the Impact of Clutter on Mental Health and Decision Making — Vibrant Health by Claudia.” Vibrant Health by Claudia, 6 Feb. 2024, www.vibranthealthbyclaudia.com/blog/declutter-your-space-declutter-your-mind-the-impact-of-clutter-on-mental-health-and-decision-making?rq=decision.

Hallowell, Edward M., MD, and John J. Ratey MD. Driven to Distraction (Revised): Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder. Anchor, 2011.

Schwartz, Barry. The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less. Harper Collins, 2003.

Van Der Kolk, Bessel, MD. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin, 2014.

How Indecision Drains Your Energy and How to Reclaim It